Family giving through changing times

A Q&A with family and meaning expert Bruce Feiler

If money is the only thing that comes to mind when you hear the word ‘inheritance,’ then Bruce Feiler suggests expanding your thinking.

Doing so, Feiler says, offers a key step toward strengthening your family’s relationship; while providing greater clarity and consensus around how wealth and financial inheritance might be directed to make an impact on your community and our world.

A Savannah native, Feiler is a nationally known expert on family, transitions, wellness and meaning in life. He’s authored seven New York Times bestsellers, including Life is in the Transitions, The Secrets of Happy Families, Abraham and Council of Dads.

Feiler contends that each generation inherits many things from their parents and grandparents – and that having a better understanding of the full scope of what is passed down can help guide current giving as well as how financial inheritance might be directed to particular causes and charitable organizations.

Feiler recently spoke with Elyse Hammett about meaningful family giving amidst changing times. What follows is a Q&A that captures some key moments of the conversation.

Q: You define inheritance in broader terms than most people are accustomed to. Can you provide more context?

A: A family is actually a collection of inheritances – and the way I see it there are five things we pass down. First is the values and beliefs we hold as a family. Second, is what I call social inheritance – our social network and community. Third is biological inheritance, which is the genes we pass on. Fourth is the generational inheritance – the characteristics and issues that define each generation. The fifth is the material inheritance: the money, possessions and property that gets handed down. The reason I mention the material inheritance last is that considering all of those other factors can offer guidance on how a family thinks about their charitable giving.

Q: In what ways does that process help provide clarity?

A: Through this lens, families decide what they are trying to communicate with their giving. What is the larger message about what is important to our family that we are trying to pass on? So ultimately the way I think about it is the money conversation becomes more of a conversation of our values and these unique aspects of our family and how they can be demonstrated through how we give.

Q: What are some of the issues that families need to navigate when thinking about their philosophy and approach to giving?

A: Well, the reality is the pace of change is increasing so rapidly and that change tends to highlight generational differences, and, at times, conflicts. The reason that it can be so difficult for those of us, who are, say 40 plus, is that we grew up in a time that I refer to as the linear life when there was this widespread expectation that everything happened in a preordained order, on preordained timeline, on preordained scripts. That’s not true anymore.

Q: So then what is true today?

A: Well, the linear life is dead. The whole idea that your children or grandchildren are going to do the same thing in their twenties and the same thing in their thirties, and then have a midlife crisis once in their life between 39 and 44, that’s ridiculous. The reality is that we all go through crises and transitions all the time, and we have to reorient our mindset that these things don’t happen in a linear fashion anymore and there’s no going back.

Q: How does an awareness of these changes help families navigate and make better decisions?

A: So transitions are a skill that we can master. We can learn to get through these transitions as individuals and families, but we have to reframe our expectation and catch ourselves up to date to realize our families are in constant flux, so let’s find the tools to manage that flux. I think from a giving perspective, conversations about the causes and organizations your family cares about – even when there isn’t always total agreement on what those are – offers an opportunity for greater connections. It helps us lean into the power of the family and its potential to do good.

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Read the full Summer 2025 edition of The Giving Life here.