From Anxiety to Appreciation

When I was four years old, I wandered away from my parents in a department store. I was completely lost. As the crowd of strangers passed by, I panicked, shouted at the top of my lungs, begging my parents to find me. They did, and took me up in their loving protecting arms, assuring me that everything was alright. But–with an indelible sting — my Dad said, “Boy, don’t you every scare us like this again!”

Well — suffice it to say, on numerous times during my teens, I disobeyed my Dad’s commandment from that day.

Looking back, I understand why they were so anxious. As urban dwellers in the 40’s, 50’s and 60’s, we were living in precarious communities. My parents couldn’t be with me all the time. In fact, it would not have been beneficial if they overprotected me. They prepared me to make hard choices, and let me fall sometimes so I learned from the skinned knee.

During their teens, we hope our young adults will choose the “right” peer groups, with values not too distant from our own. But there is no guarantee that they will. Their behavioral choices shape their destiny — which is why we sleep fitfully until we hear the garage door shut and know they are home.

If you are looking for opportunities to move from anxiety to assurance with your teen, here’s some tips.

LISTEN & LEARN- Snatch moments for conversations. Let them lead the dialog. Ask for their counsel on Hip-Hop and Rap, or any other subject that captivates their imagination.

AVOID MAKING HARSH JUDGEMENTS in these conversations, just because your opinion differs from theirs. Again, be open to learn.

SET AN EXAMPLE- ENCOURAGE YOUR KIDS TO SPEAK IN COMPLETE SENTENCES.

CLOSE THEM DOWN ON A FEW ISSUES: bullying, violence, derogatory ethnic taunting, etc., should not be tolerated.

OUR TEENAGERS are sheep among wolves. Give them practical suggestions about protecting themselves in as many situations of conflict as possible.

When I was confused and lost, my parents didn’t stop searching for me and loving me… Let us always throw loving arms around our offspring. Share your thoughts with me on these family challenges.

Rev. Joseph Roberts